When I first heard that people fear getting up to speak more than they fear dying, I thought “Really?”  But then I thought of all of the students I’ve coached over the years who struggle with this issue, and the number of times I’ve gotten nervous myself.  It might surprise you to know that I’ve forgotten my words, felt my throat close, wiped my sweaty hands on my pants, and have literally heard my heart thundering in my ears.

In fact, one night as I was playing Rosalinda in the opera Die Fledermaus in college, I started to get nervous right in the middle of a performance.  I was anticipating the big high note at the end of one of my arias and thinking that my throat felt too tight.  Then panic started to set in.  “What would people say if I missed the high note?”, I thought.  I remember looking into my leading man’s eyes as if to ask “What should I do?”, and I remember the uncertainty in his face.  He knew I was nervous.  And it was no surprise that the high note barely came out.

This experience could have easily devastated me, and admittedly in the moment, I was pretty upset.  But the next night, I sang the note confidently and held it out longer than was written! I was so angry with myself for missing that note the night before, because I knew that I was totally in control of what happened.

But what causes us to fail one day and succeed the next?  It wasn’t my voice, any lack of preparation, or the note itself.  Glenn Croston, Ph.D. writes in The Real Story of Risk,
“When faced with standing up in front of a group, we break into a sweat because we are afraid of rejection. And at a primal level, the fear is so great because we are not merely afraid of being embarrassed, or judged. We are afraid of being rejected from the social group, ostracized and left to defend ourselves all on our own. We fear ostracism still so much today it seems, fearing it more than death, because not so long ago getting kicked out of the group probably really was a death sentence.”

So that first night, my fear of rejection was really a fear I would be kicked out of my social group and left to die!

The second night, rather than project my possible failure, I simply lived in the moment, relying on my training and practice and knowledge that I could sing the high note.  When our minds are focused on even thepossibility of failure, our emotions and primal fears can take over in their effort to protect us from death.  No wonder we fear public speaking.  We believe we are risking our lives!

But will simply knowing we aren’t actually going to die help?  How can we retrain those primal urges of our brain that put us into a fight, flight or freeze state?  Just telling ourselves, “I’m fine.  I’m not going to die.” probably will only take us so far.

Here a few tips to help bring those fight or flight reactions under control!

1.  Create a Good Warmup Routine.  You know how your body works, what foods feel best for you to eat, and what puts you in the best frame of mind.  Create a routine that feels good for you so that when you know you have a performance coming up, you can prepare with ease.  Maybe you need 5 minutes of mediation, to eat a light lunch, to listen to a favorite song, or to practice your opening or the joke you had planned.  There is no right or wrong warmup as long as it works for you!

2.  Practice!  This seems so obvious but I’m always amazing at how many people don’t understand how to practice or how much of their performance they should practice.  If you are giving a speech, you should deliver the speech to a friend, the mirror, or your collection of stuffed animals (or all of the above) – but practice actually giving the speech!  If you are a singer and you haven’t heard the accompaniment to your song before, get with a real pianist to run through it a few times before that audition!  It’s amazing how much this will help boost your confidence and relieve anxiety.  If your stage fright is pretty strong, practice for one good friend or family member who you know is your cheerleader.  Then work up from there.

3.  Turn nervous energy into performance power!  Instead of saying “I’m nervous!”  say “I’m excited!” We can feel emotion run through our body, and it’s up to us whether we want that energy to support us or sabotage our efforts.  If your body is literally humming with nervous energy, get it moving!  Add some jumping jacks and stretches to your warmup routine.  Practice telling yourself that you are prepared and ready to go (and if you have a good warmup routine and have practiced – this is all true!)

4.  Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)  or “Tapping”  –  This tool has had a dramatic effect on my overall stress levels.  This self-administered treatment is based on acupuncture (without needles) and is simple to learn.   While concentrating on fear, anger, stress and even pain in your body, you tap on specific pressure points which tell the brain to stop producing the stress hormone (Cortisol) and that you are “safe”.  Then the next time you think about that stressful issue or if something reminds you of that triggering emotion, the emotional reaction is lessened, and it’s possible to eliminate fears and anxieties altogether.  The best part is that the effects are long-lasting.